Delusionmaxxing: Be the First to Believe in Yourself

CEO. Creative. And now, actor.

I look at this photograph of myself on set, sitting in a director’s chair with a clapperboard in my hands, and I can already imagine the reaction. So now he’s acting, too?

Yes. Apparently, I am.

I’ve been working on a project that is asking me to stretch beyond the role people know me for. I’m building SPREEAI, thinking creatively about how we tell our story, and stepping in front of the camera myself. There is something funny about seeing all of that in one picture. There is also something very honest about it.

I believe in what I’m building enough to put myself in unfamiliar positions for it. I want to find out what I’m capable of, even when the process gives people something to laugh at.

If that looks delusional from the outside, I can live with that.

You Have to Believe Before It Makes Sense

Delusionmaxxing is the word I’m using for that willingness to back yourself before the evidence is obvious to everybody else. The ambition may be bigger than your résumé. The version of yourself you can see may be unfamiliar to the people who know you today.

At some point, you have to give that version a chance.

People often want the proof before they offer the belief. That is understandable. They have their own lives, their own concerns, and no obligation to understand every possibility you see. But you cannot make their certainty a requirement for your first step. You will spend years waiting for a response to work you haven’t done yet.

Building a company asks you to live in that gap. You have an idea, a conviction, and an enormous amount left to figure out. You still have to recruit people, make decisions, explain the vision, and show up again when the first attempt falls short.

I cannot ask people to believe in SPREEAI while treating my own belief as something I’m embarrassed to admit.

Let It Be a Little Cringe

“Cringe” has become a very convenient way to keep people still.

Someone tries something new. Someone takes themselves seriously. Someone posts the work before they have mastered it. And there is always the possibility that another person will find the effort embarrassing.

I understand the instinct to protect yourself from that. You can feel it before you share an idea or step into a role you have never held. You start preparing little disclaimers. You make a joke before anyone else can. You want people to know you are trying, but not so hard that failure could hurt.

Eventually, that habit starts making decisions for you.

I don’t want to become so good at protecting my image that I never give myself room to grow. Acting means there are things I have to learn. Creative work means putting choices in front of people who may dislike them. Being a CEO means taking responsibility for decisions whose outcomes I cannot guarantee.

I’m willing to feel awkward while I get better. I’m much less willing to look back and realize I let the possibility of a joke decide the size of my life.

Belief Has to Show Up in the Work

The part of delusionmaxxing I care about comes with responsibility.

You still have to prepare. You have to listen when someone knows more than you. You have to take direction, revise the idea, and recognize when something isn’t working. Believing in your ability to figure it out gives you a reason to do those things.

If I step onto a set, my title does not do the work for me. I have to respect the craft and the people who practice it. If I bring a creative idea to the team, I have to be willing to improve it. If I say I believe in SPREEAI, that belief has to be visible in the care I bring to the company.

I’ll do what it takes to push myself and help SPREEAI succeed. That includes the unfamiliar work, the unglamorous work, and the moments when I have to be a beginner again.

The vision can be enormous. The effort still has to be specific.

Put Your Own Name First

That is why I wanted the image for this piece to say, Liked by iamjohnimah.

It makes me smile. It also says exactly what I mean.

Before I look around to see who approves, I need to be able to stand behind what I’m doing. Before I ask someone else to take a chance on me, I need to take that chance myself.

Putting myself first means giving my own ambition a real place in my life. Making time for the work I say matters. Investing in what I need to learn. Letting myself pursue an opportunity without asking everyone I know whether this new version of me is acceptable.

I’m grateful for the people who believe in me. Their support matters deeply. But I am responsible for what I do with my life, including the things I never attempt. I cannot hand that responsibility to an audience.

Give Yourself Something to Believe In

There may be something you want to do that feels too far from who you have been. A company you want to build. A creative project you keep postponing. A room you want to enter. A skill you are embarrassed to start learning.

Give it an honest attempt. Put time behind it. Let yourself care enough to risk being seen caring.

Some people will understand immediately. Others may understand once there is a result. A few may never understand, and you will still have a life to live.

I want mine to include the things I had the courage to try.

So yes, I’m a CEO. I’m a creative. And now I’m stepping into acting, too. I’m going to keep pushing myself, keep learning, and keep doing the work to make SPREEAI successful.

Call it delusionmaxxing.

I’m willing to be the first person who believes in me.